The Answer Man.

If you know Tim, you know he was a smart-ass, quick-witted, and genius. He had the answers for everything, and I'm pretty sure I just used him as an encyclopedia for all of my questions. Most times, he would grumpily tell me, "Just Google it!", which I would start doing, then I would look over and see that he was also Googling whatever question I had just asked him. Tim was the smartest person I have ever met- and yes, I called him a nerd sometimes because he LOVED math, but he could retain information like a sponge, and secretly, I was jealous.
In the hospital, I met some close family friends, and they called him "The Answer Man". Cindy also shared this story at the funeral, and it made me smile because Tim hadn't changed! Even at a young age, he needed to know the answers for everything, and when he didn't, he was looking it up the very next moment and telling everyone his findings. When the family came to visit him at the hospital, Tim sat up in bed and said, "Did you know that a blue whale is the biggest animal to ever exist? It's tongue weighs as much as a baby elephant." It's a ridiculous and awesome thing to say, and that was Tim.
I took my mom and I retraced a few steps this week of Tim and I. First, we hiked up Hillside Drive in La Jolla to Mount Soledad, where there is a 360 degree view of San Diego and a beautiful Veteran's Memorial. Hiking up Hillside, you walk past these amazing homes, and Tim would Zillow a few of them every now and again (most expensive home we passed was $8 million). When we arrived at the top, we had no idea that the Veteran's memorial existed and I was able to answer Tim's question the second time around with my mom- Who is allowed to get a plaque on this memorial? Is it just San Diegoans? (Tim- anyone can- you just have to pay a large sum of money to get a plaque). :)



 

 I took my mom tonight through Old Town San Diego, where Tim, The Answer Man, loved giving his historical insight when we took people there. I tried my best, but as he knew, I cannot remember as many things as him. He was basically my notebook. He did the walking tour when he first moved here, and we also did a Ghost Tour, which had some historical facts. We took my friend Victoria there a few months ago, and I let him shine with his facts. Victoria said he was a charmer, which yes, he was quite the charmer :)

 

 

 

 

I told Tim that if he ever left me, I would be lost. I wouldn't know the answers to anything, I would literally get lost in my car, and I just wouldn't be able to function. He agreed with this statement. Tim was my answer to everything. He was my fearless leader. He was my guide to life. I feared nothing in his presence- I knew that I was always in good hands, and that he could lead me out of the dark. Now he's not here, and I am lost, both physically and emotionally.
Tim was the movie quote guy, and I'm the song lyric girl, so I leave you with my favorite artist.
    Love of mine, someday you will die
    But I'll be close behind, I'll follow you into the dark
    No blinding light, or tunnels to gates of white,
    Just our hands clasped so tight
    Waiting for a hint of a spark
    If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied,
    Illuminate the NOs on their Vacancy signs,
    If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks,
    I will follow you into the dark..
    You and me have seen everything to see,
    From Bangkok to Calgary, in the soles of our shoes 
    All worn down, the time for sleep is now,
    It's nothing to cry about, because we'll hold each other soon, in the blackest of rooms.
    If heaven and hell decide that they both are satisfied,
    Illuminate the NOs on their Vacancy signs,
    If there's no one beside you when your soul embarks,
    I will follow you into the dark..

An Introduction.

I decided to start this blog to deal with my ever-changing feelings after Tim's death. Even if Carly is the only person reading this, I feel better just being able to type out thoughts rather than holding them in, or shouting them at an unfortunate stander-by, or crying them in my bed at night.
First, the title of this blog is "Have The Day You Have", which is a movie quote that Tim and I would say to each other when I left for work for the day. It's from "The Odd Life of Timothy Green" and when the dad tells the son to "Have a good day" at school, the mom scolds him for saying that because having a good day is too much pressure. So he yells again at his son, "Have the day that you have". For some reason, we really loved that quote, and it soon became the norm to tell each other this instead of "Have a nice day".
I wanted to share with you what I shared at Tim's funeral, because I think it's a good start at summing up our life together. I'm sure I will be giving you an inside look at our happy life soon, by retracing our steps through this beautiful city, and making sure he lives on. Tim and I started and had an amazing and happy life here, and I want to continue this journey that we started together, and I hope you will join me.
     I know some of you haven't seen or spoken to Tim in awhile, or maybe you spoke to him from time to time, or maybe you spoke to him every week, but I wanted you to find comfort in the fact that Tim did not go through this alone, and that I loved him every single day. I made sure that every day he felt my hope, my strength, and my unconditional love.
We encouraged each other to live our lives together to the fullest, and we did more fun and amazing things together in 2 1/2 years than most people do in 10. We were always looking ahead, and even though some people might see cancer as a dark, stormy cloud hovering over them, we never let it rain down on us.
Tim was the strongest and most determined fighter that I knew, and even on his sickest days, when he would tell me that it could be easier to give up, I would remember what he wrote to me in a birthday card, "I could not have made it this far without you. Keep keeping me alive. I kind of like it here. I love you."
What I have learned from my love and life with Tim is to make every second count, don't wait to do the things that you want to do, don't wait to see the things that you want to see, and don't let fear get in the way of your life.
I love you Bear, and I always will.

This was the last picture taken of us together, and though it seems sad because of where we were, please know that whenever we were together, our hearts were full.