I have felt so extremely lucky this week. Lucky, blessed, happy. This feeling comes from all the wonderful people that I know in my life. People that I have known since birth, people that I have met here in California, and everyone that I have met along the way. How does one get so lucky?? I sat back on moving day this week, and thought to myself, Wow. I know some amazing people. I can't imagine my life without all of you in it. It's a very humbling feeling. I only hope that I can some day offer my strength, my support, my love, my thanks, and my gratefulness to you.
Christmas Time has always been a favorite time of year for me. I love the music, the joyfulness, the hope, the smiles, the love that surrounds you. I get to go home next week and see my family and friends, and I'm so excited! Though, I'm NOT excited for the cold weather. I have become a slight snob when it comes to temperature now. I'm giving my family and friends fair warning- there will be lots of complaining about the subzero temperatures I will be enduring next week. So Mom, you better have some blankets and hot cocoa ready :)
Last week, Karlene and I attended a candlelight memorial at Tim's funeral home. It was a really nice gathering- they decorated the tree with everyone's name that they were memorializing, gave us candles to light in their honor, and read a few sentences about each individual for all to hear. It was weird to be back there, similar to the feeling after going back to the hospital after these last few months. I had some flashbacks of us being there and how grief stricken we all were. I smile though, because even though it was obviously a sad time, I can remember a few laughs and smiles that we all had that day. I feel like going back to the hospital and the funeral home this last month has been an important part of the healing process. Like facing your fears. I faced the two places that I hate thinking about the most, and I walked out of there, still with my head high and love in my heart.
I attended my second annual San Diego Christmas Boat Parade this weekend. It's now one of my favorite traditions with Denette and Steve and their kids. Drinking hot chocolate, watching the boats covered in Christmas lights pass, and just enjoying everyone's company. I just seriously love that I live by the water! And that boats with Christmas lights are a normal thing! :) I had this weird sense that Tim was there with us- I could vividly see him taking his picture with all the boys on the rocks- it was a really nice feeling. Denette said later she could see him there too.
One of our memorable moments last year was Tim and I sitting in his near empty apartment (before we moved to our apartment), and him blasting the Charlie Brown Christmas music- all songs by Vince Guaraldi Trio. Tim loved jazz music. I love Christmas music. This was a perfect combination of happiness in our lives during December. I strongly recommend you listen to it this season. I can't help but think of him when I hear these songs out in the real world, and a smile creeps along my face. This Christmas is going to be really sad without him. Last year, we were in the ER on Christmas morning, and he said to me, "I bet this is the worst Christmas you have ever had." I said, "No, it's not. We're spending this day together. It's one of the best Christmas days I have ever had, no matter where we are." He rolled his eyes of course. :) But it was such a true statement. We could have been hanging out in a sewer, and it would have been a good Christmas. It's not about where you are, it's about who you get to spend it with. Who you get to share your love with. Who you get to smile at, and hug and kiss, and embrace your day with. I get to spend this whole month with people that I love, and I'm lucky. It doesn't mean that my heart doesn't hurt when I think about him when I hear "Christmas Time is Here", but it does mean that you, the people that I'm grateful for, are helping to fill that sad hole in my heart with love and kindness and faith.
Here is one of my favorites to start you off. Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays my dear friends!
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