I'm already preparing myself that the holidays are going to be hard. The holidays are going to be the worst. I'm very grateful and blessed that I will be surrounded by loving family and friends, but there will be a huge empty whole in my heart every time I laugh or smile. The thing is, I will be laughing and smiling in between the tears and sad moments, because despite losing Tim and my life with him, I have a lot to be grateful for.
1. My family. My wonderful family that has been there for me since birth. I'm so lucky to have such a loving, supportive family- I realize that not everyone has this, and I will not take this for granted. It's been very hard to go through losing Tim without them literally by my side, but their love and support can be felt across the country, and I am so comforted by them.
2. My friends. My friends are amazing. They are literally life-savers. They have flown across the country to be with me, called and emailed me to send love and thoughts, sent me beautiful gifts and reminders of Tim, fed me dinners, answered my late-night crying phone calls, and have picked me up off of the ground. I have no idea how I have such amazing friends, but I do.
3. Tim's friends and family. They have welcomed me from Day 1 with open arms and open hearts. Tim's passing would have been much more difficult without them allowing me to be part of the preparations and arrangements, without them being by my side, and without them helping me in every way. They are now my friends and family, and I'm so thankful that Tim had such wonderful people in his life.
4. Sophie. She's amazing. Tim loved her so much- she was his loyal companion, his friend when no one else was there, and his protector. I am comforted by her presence. I now have an extremely loyal companion that loves me unconditionally. Even as I type this, she is sleeping with one eye closed, and one eye open watching me. My ultimate protector.
5. My work family (both then and now). I've been so lucky to have both support and love sent from Iron Pony and Road Runner. I can't imagine ever working in a place that isn't understanding, that isn't supportive, and that isn't greatly appreciative of the time and effort I put into my work. Iron Pony and Road Runner are all of those things and more. It's such a great feeling to want to go to work every day.
6. My gym family (then and now). I've also been blessed with an amazing team and family at both Lifetime and Total Woman. Both of these wonderfully different "posses" have grown with me, helped make my extremely bad days turn into good days, pushed me to different limits, and have offered their unconditional and loyal friendship.
7. My health. I'm healthy. I'm alive. And I'm thankful. I can give to others that need help, I can offer my support, love, blood, whatever helps keep them alive. I can do this because I'm a healthy individual, and not everyone is so lucky.
8. Tim. I'm thankful for Tim. For him coming into my life. For him making me feel alive. For him pushing me to be a better person. For him making me laugh uncontrollably, smile unbelievably, and love unconditionally.
Last year for Thanksgiving, I was super new to California. We were invited over to Denette's house for the day, and I was excited and a little scared to meet her. Tim and Denette have an amazing relationship- one filled with trust, loyalty, respect, and love. I was nervous to meet such an amazing person in Tim's life, and as soon as she opened the door, I knew she was extraordinary. She was warm and welcoming, and I felt at ease in her presence, as I still do to this day. Denette has a very calming effect to her- you're instantly just yourself in her presence. I helped in the kitchen, Tim lounged on the couch, and the kids ran around like crazy kids do. It was an awesome Thanksgiving. I remember running around like a crazy person the day before because I really wanted to make these special cupcakes. Of course, I didn't have any kitchen items, so I spent a good $60 or so on cupcakes, but it was worth it. Until I topped them with walnut pieces, and Grace, Denette's daughter, is allergic to nuts. I think I almost fell over when she told me, and kicked Tim in the shin quietly for not giving me the heads up. She handled it with grace, of course.
Every day is a gift. We should be thankful for each day that we get to spend with our loved ones and with our friends. We should be thankful for each day we spent with people we have lost and people we have loved. We should be thankful for our health, for our bodies, and for our spirits.
Happy Thanksgiving my loved ones.
Tim, I'd wait for you til kingdom come. Just say you'll wait for me. 
Til Kingdom Come, Coldplay
Steal my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I've never felt this way before.
The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummer begins to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know which way I've come.
Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.
For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."
The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummers begin to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know what I've become.
For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you'll come and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ZFCeiVEEcc
Beautiful Jessica~Beautiful~ <3
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