Creep.

"To know when to go away and when to come closer is the key to any lasting relationship..."

Some of you probably laughed when you saw this title because you knew Tim and I together, and our favorite word to call each other was "Creep." Yes, "Bear" was our word of endearment, but let's be honest, we used "creep" probably more. It was our favorite word to call out to each other and we used it for every occasion. Formal occasions. Faux arguments. At parties. At bars. At fancy restaurants. You name it- we probably ruined the moment by calling each other a creep.

I went for a hike with my friend Melody on Sunday, and we did a lot of reflecting on our relationships. I've never been the kind of girl that likes hopeless romantic types- I'm not really into Valentine's Day, I squirm when guys are too emotional, I run when they are too dependent. Tim was my perfect blend of man, though to be honest, he was definitely a hard case to crack. I had whiplash from him for the first, let's say, 6-8 months of our relationship. Something kept bringing us back together though- like I've said before, from that moment I first met him in person, my brain and heart just clicked together. I just knew he was in my life for a reason, and I couldn't get rid of that nagging idea that we were meant for something great. Sounds totally contradicting of my non-hopeless romantic idea, but when Tim and I were together, the puzzle pieces just fit together. I've always been very independent- my parents divorced when I was 7, and it really forced me to learn how to be by myself. I love being by myself- I need that space. I'm much more like my dad in this way- we are both kind of solitary people. And not solitary in a weird or creepy or sad way- just content with being by ourselves for periods of time. Tim and I were equal in the relationship, where we were awesome together, but also awesome apart. We would arrive at parties together, split off for the night, come back together at small intervals, and then leave together. We never had to be hip-to-hip. We never had to cling to one another. Tim really leveled my out- he was romantic and a gentleman when he needed to be, he was rough on me and brought me down to earth when I needed him to, and he treated me like an equal (except during Jeopardy. Or knowing directions. Or driving.) Maybe "partner" is a better term to use :) Here are some good creep photos (except the first, which is just plain cute).

 

 

 

Well, I'm finally getting settled in to my new apartment (I'll post pics next week). Sarabeth and I get along like we've been friends for years, and with our opposite schedules, give each other the space we both need, yet still find the time to hang out and get to know one another. We've started these "Adventure Nights" where we are basically gluttonous pigs for a night at a new restaurant once a week. We order wine, salads, entrees, dessert and coffee. (Don't tell my trainer or she'll make me do double sprints, and I hate sprints). We have the same mentality of "Well, I work out all the time, therefore, I can eat basically whatever I damn well please". This mentality is catching up to me though, so I might need to cut back on eating only 2 bags of chips per week vs. 3 bags. Yep, Sarabeth and I eat like animals.

I've been going to the cemetery on my Monday lunch break for the past few weeks, when I haven't been able to get to the cemetery during the weekend. I kind of like it on one hand, because I bring my little lunch bag, yoga mat, book, and just hang out and eat lunch- feeling the sunshine warm on my skin, hearing (and feeling) the jets fly overhead, and just feeling... content. On the other hand, the cemetery is unfortunately busy during the week- there are always funerals and graves being dug, the feeling of sadness and grief hanging in the air. This week while I was there, they played Taps. I grabbed Tim's tombstone during this moment of time, hoping that he could feel me, wherever he is. When I hear Taps, the world stops. Everything stops. I think my blood even stops. But it was kind of a sweet moment- I really hope he was with me there.

Every time "Creep" is on the radio, I just smile and laugh. I never thought the word would have so much meaning to me. This one is for you, ya creep.

Creep- Radiohead

When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry

You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

I don't care if it hurts
I want to have control
I want a perfect body
I want a perfect soul

I want you to notice
When I'm not around
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here

She's running out the door
She's running out
She run, run, run, run
Run

Whatever makes you happy
Whatever you want
You're so fucking special
I wish I was special

But I'm a creep, I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here
I don't belong here

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFkzRNyygfk