I spent some time in Maryland this weekend, and it was exactly what I needed. Spent much needed time with Carly. Met her beautiful baby, Sylvie. Slept, relaxed, and snuggled under blankets by the fire. Quite simply recharged my batteries with laughter and love. I never realize how much I genuinely miss someone until I spend time with them in person. And then I never want to leave. Or, at least I want them to come back with me. From the moment I met Carly, I knew we would be fast friends. We were concert buddies. Dexter buddies. Inside joke buddies. Shoulder shrug buddies. Food buddies. Festival buddies. T-shirt buddies. I miss her physical presence in my life and I wish the United States was so much smaller, so we didn't have to live so far away from each other.
The glasses are Tim's- I had my lenses put in to them. They were a huge hit- and thank goodness, since I left my contacts back in SD. It felt good to run around in them for a few days.
I forgot to mention last week- Sarabeth and I hosted game night this month (part of the TimStrong challenge for January), and I have to say, we're basically the best team. She cooked everything. I cleaned everything. We had an amazing group here that just laughed for hours straight, and it was such a good night. (Also added a few pics of the new place to the bottom for those of you asking to see :) )
I haven't really been dreaming lately, and when I do, it's not of Tim. I feel like he has abandoned my dreams- maybe to help me move on, maybe he's busy, maybe I'm just going through a dream dry spell. I still visit the cemetery every week, and sometimes I hope this will help Tim come visit me. I chose "Hurricane" this week for this entry, because in my head, there is always a hurricane of emotions going on (also, Carly introduced me to this song). I'm happy. I'm sad. I'm angry. I'm frustrated. I'm sad again. I'm content. I'm annoyed. And I know these are normal, every day feelings, but mine can come and go at the drop of a hat sometimes. It can be hard to try and reel in these feelings so that I'm not a hot hot mess on a daily basis. Sometimes I feel like I overcompensate on some to knock out the others (overly joyful so I don't feel sadness, overly funny to overcome anger). I was saving a row on the airplane for Chelsy and Gentry and I to sit in, and this girl asked if I could move my bag. I nicely explained that I was saving the seats for my friends, that were 4 people behind her (also, she had the entire back of the plane to choose from- some people even had an entire row to themselves, but I digress). She gave me the dirtiest, evilest look for no reason, and I had a longer-than-fleeting moment of picturing my elbow connecting with her face. Those are the moments that the overwhelming anger suddenly decides to seep out, and thankfully Chelsy and Gentry's jovial and wonderful presence helped suppress it. I look forward to the day that some of that anger subsides. The fear subsides. The sadness subsides. The emptiness subsides. Until then, I just hope that a Chelsy or Gentry is there to bring me back down again.
Hurricane- MS MR
Didn't know what this would be
But I knew I didn't see
What you thought
You saw in me
I jumped the gun
So sure you'd split and run
Ready for the worst
Before the damage was done
The storm never came
Or it never was
Didn't know getting lost in the blue
It meant I wound up losing you
Welcome to the inner workings of my mind
So dark and foul I can't disguise
Can't disguise
Nights like this
I become afraid
Of the darkness in my heart
Hurricane
What's wrong with me
Why not understand and see
I never saw
What you saw in me
Keep my eyes open
My lips sealed
My heart closed
And my ears peeled
Welcome to the inner workings of my mind
So dark and foul I can't disguise
Can't disguise
Nights like this I become afraid
Of the darkness in my heart
Hurricane
Make ash and leave the dust behind
Lady diamond in the sky
Wild light
Glowing bright
To guide me
When I fall
I fall on tragedy
Welcome to the inner workings of my mind
So dark and foul I can't disguise
Can't disguise
Nights like this I become afraid
Of the darkness in my heart
Hurricane
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7sj684zcmzw
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