Tim always griped that our story wasn't a "fairy tale" story. That we didn't meet in some enchanted way- like it was raining, and he just happened to run in to me with an umbrella and we fell in love at first sight. Or I was a damsel in distress and he was the Prince Charming that came and saved me. He was serious about this. This was his romantic side coming out- wishing that we had met in some fairy tale way. It bothered me a little bit, because I actually found our story to be a little funny and cute. It was very Rom-Com- we hated each other, then realized we loved each other, then found our version of happily ever after. I think he also thought it was funny- but he loved giving me a hard time about things, so he would bring this up every now and again. I miss him giving me a hard time. He would be such a little smart ass, then I would act like I was mad, and storm off to the bedroom. Then he would run in and jump on the bed and tickle me until I got mad because he was tickling me too much.
I think of things in "Before Tim died" and "After Tim died" now. Like a weird B.C. and A.C version of my own life. I don't even realize that I think that way until afterward. I'll run a report at work that focuses on April-June, and think "Tim was alive during this time period". Or see that I need to change the oil in my car and think, "Last time I did this, Tim was alive and with me when I got my oil changed." Or see Jeopardy playing at the gym, and feel like it was an alternate reality where I watched that show every day with Tim. I wish my mind wouldn't think this way because then I start that glazed-over look, and take a walk down memory lane in my mind. A Tim montage of memories- photographs I have taken with my mind. I wonder if people find it weird that I still talk about him all the time. I mention him on a daily basis. I can't tell if this makes people uncomfortable or not. The truth is, I still think about him all day, every day, almost every minute. To me, it doesn't seem weird to speak out loud about him because he's always on my mind. He's still very much present to me.
The blog this week seems kind of somber, but I've been kind of somber lately. I've just been really sad. I even started crying before my spin class last week- totally unannounced and random. I don't think people noticed, mostly because I ran to the bathroom and told myself to get it together. Most days I'm "ok", but lately I've just really been missing him.
Yesterday was World Cancer Day. February 13th would be Tim's 33rd birthday. On February 14th, Tim will have been gone from this world for 6 months.
6 months.
Let's celebrate and fight through this month in every way possible. Let's celebrate that we are alive and healthy. Let's continue Tim's fight through our education, donations, and support. Let's celebrate the loved ones that are in our lives every day. Let's remember, mourn, and celebrate the lives of the ones we have lost. Let February be a month that you give just a little bit more than you usually do. That you love a little bit harder. That you smile a little bit bigger and cry a little bit harder. That you fight a little bit more for what you believe in.
Happy February.
Romeo and Juliet- The Killers (Dire Straits cover)
A lovestruck Romeo, sings the streets of serenade
Laying everybody low with a love song that he made
Find a streetlight, steps out of the shade
Says something like, "You and me, babe, how about it?"
Juliet says, "Hey, it's Romeo, you nearly gave me a heart attack"
He's underneath the window, she's singing
Hey, la, my boyfriend's back"
You shouldn't come around here, singing up at people like that
Anyway what you gonna do about it?
Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start
And I bet and you exploded in my heart
And I forget, I forget the movie song
When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?
Come up on different streets, they both were streets of shame
Both dirty, both mean, yes and the dream was just the same
And I dream your dream for you and now your dream is real
How can you look at me, as if I was just another one of your deals?
Well, you can fall for chains of silver, you can fall for chains of gold
You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
You promised me everything, you promised me thick and thin
Now you just say, "Oh, Romeo, yeah, you know
I used to have a scene with him"
Juliet, when we made love, you used to cry
I said, "I love you like the stars above, "I love you till I die"
There's a place for us, you know the movie song
When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?
I can't do the talk like the talk on the TV
And I can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be
I can't do everything but I'd do anything for you
Can't do anything except be in love with you
And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be
All I do is keep the beat, the bad company
And all I do is kiss you, through the bars of a rhyme
Juliet, I'd do the stars with you any time
Juliet, when we made love, you used to cry
You said, "I love you like the stars above, I'll love you till I die"
There's a place for us, you know the movie song
When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?
A lovestruck Romeo, he sings the streets of serenade
Laying everybody low with a love song that he made
Find a convenient streetlight, steps out of the shade
He says something like, "You and me, babe, how about it?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87cLyBR1JTo
Yesterday was World Cancer Day. February 13th would be Tim's 33rd birthday. On February 14th, Tim will have been gone from this world for 6 months.
6 months.
Let's celebrate and fight through this month in every way possible. Let's celebrate that we are alive and healthy. Let's continue Tim's fight through our education, donations, and support. Let's celebrate the loved ones that are in our lives every day. Let's remember, mourn, and celebrate the lives of the ones we have lost. Let February be a month that you give just a little bit more than you usually do. That you love a little bit harder. That you smile a little bit bigger and cry a little bit harder. That you fight a little bit more for what you believe in.
Happy February.
Romeo and Juliet- The Killers (Dire Straits cover)
A lovestruck Romeo, sings the streets of serenade
Laying everybody low with a love song that he made
Find a streetlight, steps out of the shade
Says something like, "You and me, babe, how about it?"
Juliet says, "Hey, it's Romeo, you nearly gave me a heart attack"
He's underneath the window, she's singing
Hey, la, my boyfriend's back"
You shouldn't come around here, singing up at people like that
Anyway what you gonna do about it?
Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start
And I bet and you exploded in my heart
And I forget, I forget the movie song
When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?
Come up on different streets, they both were streets of shame
Both dirty, both mean, yes and the dream was just the same
And I dream your dream for you and now your dream is real
How can you look at me, as if I was just another one of your deals?
Well, you can fall for chains of silver, you can fall for chains of gold
You can fall for pretty strangers and the promises they hold
You promised me everything, you promised me thick and thin
Now you just say, "Oh, Romeo, yeah, you know
I used to have a scene with him"
Juliet, when we made love, you used to cry
I said, "I love you like the stars above, "I love you till I die"
There's a place for us, you know the movie song
When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?
I can't do the talk like the talk on the TV
And I can't do a love song like the way it's meant to be
I can't do everything but I'd do anything for you
Can't do anything except be in love with you
And all I do is miss you and the way we used to be
All I do is keep the beat, the bad company
And all I do is kiss you, through the bars of a rhyme
Juliet, I'd do the stars with you any time
Juliet, when we made love, you used to cry
You said, "I love you like the stars above, I'll love you till I die"
There's a place for us, you know the movie song
When you gonna realize, it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?
A lovestruck Romeo, he sings the streets of serenade
Laying everybody low with a love song that he made
Find a convenient streetlight, steps out of the shade
He says something like, "You and me, babe, how about it?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=87cLyBR1JTo
A wonderful write~Timstrong~ <3
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