Through part of our lives, we live in a bubble. We are happy, and content in our bubble. We smile and laugh and play in our bubble. We learn and we grow in our bubble. We know things go on outside of this bubble, but they aren't necessarily affecting us, so we go on living in this bubble. With one quick revelation, one catastrophic event, one life-altering moment, your bubble can shatter to a million pieces. And you now stand on the outside of everyone else's bubble- a loner looking in. But you start to realize that you stand with people who also have broken bubbles. People who also have had to pick up the pieces. People who are trying to use their bubble-shattering event for good. People that embrace you and carry you on through the "bubble-less" world.
As I stand in my own bubble-less world, I am hoping to make a tiny difference in someone's life. It could be to open their eyes to Tim's battle and the long road ahead for lung cancer survival rates to increase- a community advocate for lung cancer that sees hope. It could be just to be a good friend- someone that listens, cares, and never judges. I hope that I haven't been faulting too much as a friend these past few months. I see so much beauty in all my friends and loved-ones, and I love they don't treat me like a broken butterfly. I see the looks and feel the awkwardness from people that aren't close to me that know my situation. I know that it's not something that someone my age would say, "My boyfriend passed away from cancer last August... no, he didn't smoke... no, he wasn't old... yes, I'm ok... ), so I try to gently tell people this. But it doesn't matter if I gently say it, or blurt it out, I still get the "broken butterfly" look. Or I get asked for my phone number, which seems like a ridiculous gesture after the bomb that I just dropped.
I met a girl named Julie a few weeks ago at a lung cancer fundraising event. She actually spoke at the Free To Breathe 5K last year (which was held 3 days after Tim's death) and I remembered her speech so vividly. I actually have a picture of Karlene and I framed in my room, listening to her touching story about the friend she lost to lung cancer. Her friend was only 26. Beautiful, healthy, 26 year old. Gone in a year. Her bubble was shattered. Julie, like me and so many of other Tim's family and friends, felt helpless after her death. She wanted to do something to make a difference. So she joined the Free to Breathe family (formerly the National Lung Cancer Partnership), went to the advocacy retreat in Texas, and is the 5K chair for the race here in August. I was so happy to meet her. Bubble-less people unite. She's a true inspiration, and I joined her committee for helping put together the 5K this year. I'm also on the Relay for Life committee (which happens to be the weekend before) so my August is looking to be pretty busy. I had dinner with my friend Kristin a few months ago (a cancer survivor), and she is co-chair for the Relay For Life here in downtown San Diego. She offered me the committee role, and I said yes immediately- one because she's also such an inspiration and amazing advocate in the cancer world, and two because I was eager to do something, anything. So my plea is this- find it in your hearts to donate to either or both of these causes. Ask your company, friends, family to be a sponsor of one of the races (Free To Breathe registration is coming soon, but we're looking at business/hospital sponsors now!). And don't forget to head over to ThreadStart to buy the lung cancer apparel to benefit the Lung Cancer Alliance (promotion goes until March 9th I believe). I already bought 2 shirts. :)
Tim loved listening to jazz music, and I heard this song, "I'll Be Seeing You" this week and thought about him. It's haunting, yet hopeful and beautiful. And it's so true. I see him in everything. I feel him in everything that I do. I hear him in everything that I say. I remember him every time I think about how beautiful this city is, how wondrous this state is, how perfect the temperature is.
I see you in everything, Bear. I know you're here.
"I'll Be Seeing You"- Billie Holiday
I'll be seeing you
In all the old familiar places
That this heart of mine embraces
All day and through
In that small cafe
The park across the way
The children's carousel
The chestnut trees, the wishing well
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you
I'll be seeing you
In every lovely summer's day
In everything that's light and gay
I'll always think of you that way
I'll find you in the morning sun
And when the night is new
I'll be looking at the moon
But I'll be seeing you
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zDlKb2cBAqU
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